Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
