currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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