is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
