Bisexual people are plain selfish.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
