There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
