I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
