love makes seman taste better
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize