Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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