I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We're too hungover to prance.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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