you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
