How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
