Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
