i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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