i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
