This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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