I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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