I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
