Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
