Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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