By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your cock deserves a montage
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
