Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
