party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
