You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
