Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
