It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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