....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
