Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
