You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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