I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
