its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
