the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
