Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
