Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
