She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
