too bad you live with your parents still
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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