ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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