I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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