That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
