Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
