if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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