So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
