so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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