Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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