On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize