so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am in a vortex of obligation.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
