In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
