i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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