What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
