hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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