Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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