Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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