Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
