she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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