hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
where are you?
Hypothermia
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
