I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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