This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
