Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
