I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize