he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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