You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
