Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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