overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize