I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
