I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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