So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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