your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
