So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize