Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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