Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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