ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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