"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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