why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
