When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
