my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
