OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
